Yuckie!!!!!!

Well i haven't been feeling real well the past several days so ive been kinda blahhhh yuckie feeling! Not fun promise. Well i went to my grandparents christmas Sunday. It went ok i guess. She stayed on her side of the room and i stayed on mine. We said as little as possible to each other and left it at that. Dont get me wrong i was nice but i didnt go out of my way to speak to her. In my head i just dont want to talk to her because she needs help so bad and in my heart im torn between just giving in and talking to her and just looking over everything she says and then the other part of me says no she has hurt me and i deserve better.

I just dont know what to do. My dad called me Friday and we talked. It was an ok conversation. He was upset i was upset. He cried or souned like he was and i did cry. I told him i love him and i do love her but i cant deal with her anymore. Guess thats were the love em from a distance comes in to play. I just dont know what to do. My dad said he wasnt having Christmas if i wasnt coming and i just dont want to go. He said he loved me and i told him i loved him and i said i was sorry for hurting him. Then yesterday at my grandparents he acted like he could care less about me. When i got there i went to hug him and he didnt even want to hug me. Then when he left i told him bye twice and it took my grandmother saying Nikki said bye before he told me bye.

I know the reason he is so cold to me is because he has to be because of her. I guess i just wish i could not talk to her and everything would be ok. Scott will never feel the same about them and i really dont blame him because i will probably never feel the same. I see now how much you have to show and tell your kids you love them and when scott and i become parents i will make it a point to make sure my children know they are loved.

Chole